It's easier said than done, isn't it? As a people pleaser, by nature and by choice, I find it very difficult to resist to change to be seen, liked, respected, heard, and loved. But I don't do it. I simply stubbornly ginger-refuse to do it, even though I really, really, really want to sometimes. I may temporarily adapt, that's true, but I won't change unless I want to, for me.
Think about it... If we change ourselves for others, then who are we really? A self-made reflection of the other person, or scattered remains of ourselves for them to put together as they wish? Are we really anything of value at all if our personalities and traits are so easily disposable we can shed them and exchange them on a whim or at will?
I refuse to believe any of that is of any value at all, changing for others never is. But I understand how tempting it is to change something that seems undesirable in the moment just to feel more comfortable and, for example, be more attractive for a special someone or worthy of something. I get it, I do. But I also know that this is exactly how fake people function - and they lose every. single. time. Genuine and honest humans like me and you don't change for the sake of the game, we only do it for ourselves. Right? Right!
Just as I will preach about how you shouldn't change for anyone but yourself I also strongly suggest you do your homework and take a look at yourself and be honest what about you that could get better (or be worse!). That insight give you the freedom to choose: you can stay the same ol' you and get the same ol' results and the same ol' life, if that's what you want - or you can take the plunge and change up a few things, see what happens, se what works or not, see what's needed to reach your goals that you haven't yet done.
With that said, and I assure you I do my very best to live as a preach, I'm the first to admit I am kind of a "recovered-from-behind-the-flea-market-dumpster-work-in-progress", and I don't think I'll ever finish working on myself. And why would I? Stagnant is boring, and there's no such thing as enough or perfect when it comes to self development. Plus, I really do want to improve as a woman, friend, partner, and mother - improve myself for my own good and, as a bonus, other's benefit.
While writing this blogpost these two articles was recommended to me by Uncle Goole, because they can apparently read minds now... (kinda joking there). One article was about what men look for in women post divorce, and the other about what you need to be to become successful in life. And I just... Really?! Articles about changing yourself to fit in or please, and with quite compelling arguments too, just as I'm writing about why one shouldn't. How convenient and perfect as examples of the much to common strive to convince people they're never good enough and only x and y are acceptable traits for happiness or success. To sell ad space and gain clicks, that's all - follow the money... Don't change for anyone but yourself, no matter how compelling the arguments are to change to fit in.
And for the record, if those articles are even just a little bit accurate I'm pretty much SOL in both the partner and career department. Maybe I am anyway, but they sure don't help building anyone's confidence. Jesus on burnt toast..., those articles threw around some heavy generalizations! I almost forgot to be critical of the content and bring out the "why's" about the stereotyping, it's so easy to just accept what at first seem like reasonable demands and not think about how we're not all alike and we don't have to be. Always ask "why" and don't assume what you read in the media is true, healthy, and worthwhile, especially if it is about how you need to change to conform and fit a stereotypical ideal. You do you, always.
My takeaway is that I definitely got some more introspective self reflection and fine tuning to do. But that's what I always work on anyway, so nothing new. And I will do it for my own good and my own best interest - but in hopes that others will benefit from it too. TBC...
Yet I'm still hoping being enough is enough.
/Annalogue75
