Father's Day 2024

"Fathers" by Annalogue75 © 2024 with illustrations from Creative Fabrica Spark™

Father's Day 2024

Because Dads Need Recognition Too

To all you fathers out there...

A father is the family rock and the paperweight of life - he keeps his children safe, secure, and grounded.

A father teaches his children how a good man behaves. A father teaches his children how to be a workforce asset, an equal provider, and an important contributor to the home, at his job, and to his family. A father teaches his children to be compassionate, dedicated, confident, loving, caring, and all the important things in life. A father teaches his children by example and by creative, inclusive, and sometimes - at least to his teenagers - hilarious leadership.

But first and foremost, and above it all, a father teaches his children how to be a good father, a good parent, a good partner, a good friend, and a good human being. And he does this by loving them unconditionally and ferociously and most of everything and all.

Without fathers we wouldn't be. And to be a father isn't about biology. The fathers that aren't made by blood, the fathers that are one out of two, more, or many, the fathers that do it alone, the fathers who have a child with wings, and all the other fathers and father figures out there... You count, you are valid, you are great fathers too.

And each one of us had or has a dad or a father figure that's the best dad of them all. Because fathers are great. Period.

So thank you to all the fathers and father figures out there. You are fantastic. Never doubt how needed, loved, and appreciated you are. Today we remind you of this. Today is YOUR day.

Happy Father's Day!!

/Annalogue75

Healing the puzzle

"Fragmented" by Annalogue75 © 2024 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

You are not broken

You are a mysterious puzzle 

To me healing is an ongoing process. It's never about finding a cure from being broken, ill, or sick - it's about putting the randomly scattered pieces together so life becomes good again.

When you're completely healed, your past, people and events in it, everything, are valued and appreciated parts of you. There's no blame, guilt, negative feelings, or regrets - it all comes together in a good way, and you can look back at your life and feel grateful for it, for lessons learned and experiences.

Then one is truly healed.

"Pieces of me" by Annalogue75 © 2024 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

For most people that kind of complete healing never happens. But if or when, or how much or how little, doesn't mean one is healed for good. Every day creates another little piece that needs to fit in, and sometimes other pieces need to be rearranged again to do that. It's a work in progress.

THAT'S what I mean whenever I say that you got healing to do - you have pieces to put together and you need to do that work. And now is as good a time as any, with other changes happening and new pieces taking shape, it is always a good time.

"Pieces of mind" by Annalogue75 © 2024 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

So no, you're not broken or sick, ill, or damaged beyond repair - you're a beautiful piece of art made from life, constantly improving, in motion, ever-changing. Most of the time it's both a comforting and reassuring thought, but it can also be slightly unsettling in times of chaos and big changes. 

"I'm not broken" by Annalogue75 © 2024 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

A long time ago, or so it feels, I decided to try to write poetry based on prompts. It's a technique that leads the thought and creativity in a certain direction, but leaves the full interpretation and application to the writer. One of the prompts I ended up using had to do with pieces of one's heart, and my interpretation and poem seems to smoothly fit into this narrative:

Original poetry by Annalogue75 © 2023 from a series based on predefined prompts. First published on Instagram in 2023.

The point I'm trying to make is that we are always complete and yet fragmented individuals - and this is a good thing that evolves us and move us forward in life. Though it can feel scary at times it always leads to a good and positive outcome if we let the process take its course.

Trust the process and it will all fall into place eventually.

/Annalogue75 

- Crossposted to Medium™ -

Lost to the void

Life is just a temporary harbour for the stardust we all are made of on its eternal journey through time¹

THOSE THAT ARE LOST BY TIME 

Han fattas mig! - He is missing from me!²

Men Mattis gick storgråtande fram och tillbaka i stensalen och skrek: ”Han har funnits jämt! Och nu finns han inte!”

Om och om igen ropade han på samma vis: ”Han har funnits jämt! Och nu finns han inte!”

Då sa Lovis: ”Mattis, du vet att ingen får finnas jämt. Vi föds och vi dör, så har det ju alltid varit, vad jämrar du om?”

”Men han fattas mej”, skrek Mattis. ”Han fattas mig så det skär i bröstet!”

—

But Mattis was loudly crying as he walked back and forth in the big stone hall yelling: "He's always been here! And now he isn't here anymore!"

Over and over again he screamed: "He's always been here! And now he isn't here anymore!"

Then Lovis said: "Mattis, you know that no one can always be here. We are born and we die, it has always been like that, so what are you moaning about?"

"But he is missing from me," Mattis cried. "He is missing from me so my chest hurts!"

Mattis grieving in Ronja Rövardotter (Ronia, the Robber's Daughter)³ ⁴ ⁵

· · ·

– Randy

I can say "Randy man, Randy man, Randy man" a million times, but I'll never hear that notification sound and see your thoughtful messages ever again.

Miss you forever my friend!

– Paul

The beautiful person we all thought would be here forever, with a guitar in your hands, a smile like the sun, and singing a song carried by the winds. The world is a lot quieter now.

Miss you forever my friend!

– Faith

Like a mother and a friend wrapped up in one, you always had time and always had love and always showed how much you cared. And you were so funny!

Miss you forever my friend!

– Dawn

Every morning you texted me and asked if I had coffee yet, checking in on me throughout the day. You were there in my darkest time of need. You saved me from myself and I love you so much for that.

Miss you forever my friend!

– Åsa

We knew each other for 42 years, since we were six years old! And now you left us all stranded in the middle of life, it's unfair and sad and unbelievable.

Miss you forever my friend!

– Dad

My father, my hero, my very best friend. I am my father's daughter and you taught me everything I really needed to know. You are missing from me... You are missing from me so much my chest hurt!

Miss you forever daddy!

· · ·

This list is long enough. I don't want to add another name, another sorrow, another heartbreak. I never want to truly lose another person ever again. But I will... We all do.

/Annalogue75 

---

¹) Yes, you may quote me on that 

²) YouTube clip

³) Astrid Lindgren, Ronja Rövardotter, 5th edition. Stockholm: Rabén & Sjögren, 2007, p.234. Translation by Annalogue75, 2024.

⁴) Google Information 

⁵) Full length movie WATCH HERE

Forget Me Not

Photo Of A Forget Me Not by Dominik Scythe via Unsplash

Say hello to another round of attempts to explain anxiety, rejection sensitivity, and emotional dysregulation...

The more I discover about the roots of my personal rejection sensitivity the worse the anxiety gets¹. It's a trauma response as much as it is a part of a life that has been built on false premises and now is being reconstructed, I realize that. And most difficult things get worse before they get better, right? I really hope that's true, because the emotional dysregulation together with these two is a brutal combination that encompasses everything.

It's the anxiety around unanswered or delayed answering of text messages that are my worst anxiety trigger - it takes my breath away. But to my surprise "text anxiety " isn't uncommon these days, there's been a whole lot of research done about why it happens and how it affects people in general. This article was a relief to find, since I had been gas-lighting myself to think I'm insane, unreasonable, and all alone in feeling this way. In fact, it's perfectly normal to react with anxiety around text messages, however the strength of my reaction is stronger than for most people thanks to emotional dysregulation and RSD².

The worst part is that I can't really explain the feelings I get without it sounding like I'm accusing others of being insensitive, neglectful, uncaring, disrespectful, or flat out mean. But I don't mean that at all - it is no one's fault that I experience this anxiety. I can't even help it myself. All I can do is find a way to manage it and hopefully soothe it so it doesn't cause such emotional distress. I often use humor as a coping strategy:

What rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like for people with ADHD, a Reel by @adhd_memetherapy on Instagram - because it's sad and funny and true at the same time.

But to heal the trauma I know is a big part of my RSD, and changing my reactive patterns, I need to tell people I connect with about how I get affected by delayed or missing communication and interaction. I really need them to respect my difficulties, cut me some slack, and show me kindness. And as I've said before, to be considerate is really not much to ask for. But to actually ask for it... That is a challenge in itself!

Photo of woman holding yellow petaled flowers by Lina Trochez via Unsplash 

Part of the problem is, as mentioned earlier, how to tell people all of this without being perceived as demanding, controlling, and egocentric - things I fear people will think about me and therefore abandon me. That fear then triggers the rejection sensitivity fueled by emotional dysregulation, leading to more crippling anxiety... A vicious cycle I want to learn to avoid or at least handle better.

To be clear - What I generally fear is that by being assertive and communicate my needs, to stand up for myself, I will make people feel disgusted and become furious with me to the point that they will abandon, ghost, and shun me forever.

It's unreasonable and unrealistic, I know. And I haven't figured out a good way to communicate this either, how that circle of fear always lurks in the background, without triggering my anxiety - because to talk about it could be perceived as self pity, egocentric, and accusatory, and the cycle starts over again...

How I wish I could free myself from these negative cycles - it's however much more difficult than I ever anticipated. To be aware of the problem and have insight in how I function doesn't really help much. It's great that I have both of them, but it doesn't solve anything per se. But I know now that I'm not alone, these are common problems people face when they get a neurodivergent diagnosis as adults. I understand that in time it gets better, one's persona and life foundation are getting rebuilt. It's a comfort to know, not just for me but for everyone around me. It gets better. It must.

Photo of woman standing on grass field by Sasha Freemind via Unsplash 

Though I now know my hard work on myself will pay off, I sometimes find myself thinking about the many years of necessary hard core masking and rigorous emotional repression, and I almost wish I could live in that ignorance again. It was easier in many ways. But it also came with its own set of difficulties, many of which I really, really don't want to experience again. So I'll get back to work on myself again, and you're part of my journey.

Who said life was going to be easy? Tell them to call me, I got a few things to say...

/Annalogue75 

Footnotes:

¹ - That's a whole other article, I'm getting there one of these days.

² - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria 

— Cross posted on multiple platforms —