"Invisible pain" by Annalogue75 © Original, 2023, via Creative Fabrica Spark™
I believe the first time I got hit with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and the anxiety that accompanies it I thought it was just heartbreak - I was about 20, and a two year long relationship ended. At least I think that was the first time, I can't remember experiencing that specific feeling before that. But it's possible it reared its ugly head earlier in life, absolutely. Actually, it probably did, but perhaps not as strong and overwhelming.
No matter how many times I try to find a good description of RSD and emotional dysregulation I really can't bring it justice. It's a level of distress, pain, and anxiety that I never thought I would experience. Not only because I had never really heard about it before this year (2023) but also because I've never had this level of "negative" emotions in my life. It's like being ripped apart inside, and just trying to describe it now I start to feel it. /Excuse me for a bit.../
Anxiety is a big part of this emotional Molotov cocktail, and in my life it has been around for as far as I can remember, I just didn't know what it was or what to call it. But it was there, and it is still here with me. The same thing with depression, I don't know any other way of living but with depression and anxiety as annoying but familiar entities, always by my side. I don't know if ADHD created them, or if they would have existed without the neurological swamp ADHD creates - I am kinda leaning towards it being both. So with that fine mix it is no wonder I can have RSD that takes my breath away!
#ifyouknowyouknow and I am so sorry...
Science and current knowledge says that social rejection - even if it's vague, uncertain, or something just perceived as - causes similar brain activity as if one experience physical pain. This is the reason why we feel heartbreak and grief as something physically painful, it's the same type of brain activity involved. A person with ADHD have weaknesses in the brain structure that processes cognitive input - so it is natural to assume they feel these emotions more intensely and to the point of (severe) physical pain.
I assume that the (dis)ability to have a difference in brain function also plays a role in how strong depressive and anxious emotions can feel. It's on such a level for me some days that most people think I'm being dramatic when I try to describe them. Well, newsflash - It's NOT my fault and it IS physically painful.
Perhaps it is time for the people around me, and around anyone with ADHD and RSD, time for them to act in such a manner that they don't trigger these negative emotional tornadoes? Do you agree?
Now y'all can't say y'all didn't know, right!? You're welcome ðŸ¤
/Annalogue75
