I have learned, though it took me long enough, that I have to start treating people how they treat me, especially if they don't treat me as I treat them or as well as I deserve. I usually bend over backwards for those I care for, and I see nothing wrong with that. But I need to demand the same voluntary agility from them, and I must demand to be treated with respect and as a valuable person. Because I treat others in that manner and therefore I deserve the same treatment.
As much as it bothers me to pull back and put up those privacy walls I have to start doing it if people aren't as open, generous, and inclusive as I naturally am.
I must admit, all of this feels and sounds so self centered to me, but I know it's more of a normal behavior for most than my behavior is. Another aspect of this is how I feel big emotions for people rather quickly, and it seems so strange to me that people in general don't...
Maybe it's individuality, maybe it's ADHD.
In the recent past I admittedly got big feelings over a simple breakfast waffle, I'm down to earth like that, and #ifyouknowyouknow what I'm talking about, you know everything that day was equally... delicious. A great example of how it should work.
Because even I am not limitless in my generosity - I need the same energy, attention, and treatment back to feel good, to feel human and worthy. That's where my problem lies, I expect too much from people, I expect them to be just like I am.
I am slowly learning to stop and hold back when it's obvious people won't reciprocate what I give. Because until now my way of functioning has cost me more than I've gotten in return, and it has led to less joy and more heartbreak - that has to change.
I find it to be a dilemma that no matter how I look at it I am still adapting to other people's behaviour and thereby their needs, wants, and wishes. The big difference is that where before I felt I both adapted and diminished myself without getting much in return, I am instead giving and adapting on my own terms. And with the condition that I get what I need, want, and wish for back. If not fully, to a greater extent than before anyway. I think I can live with that.
To put oneself as front and center in life doest come naturally to me. I am a giver by nature and I prefer to be the background support and the quiet cheerleader. But over the years, because I'm a million years old by now 😆, I have felt an increased need for reciprocation and finally come to accept that people in general suck at giving back unprompted. That's ok though, it's human nature and there are of course individual differences at play. It is however my own responsibility to ensure I get what I need, I can't expect anyone to just give it to me out of the blue without being asked.
So that's what I will do - just watch me...
/Annalogue75
