Wearing the shoes given, not fitted #2

"Favorites" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

Part 2 of 2, kick off your shoes and take a seat so we can finish this.

When 2023 started I was in decent shape overall despite what had been going on, but it lasted no longer than three months. Then the other shoe fell and everything was turned on its head.

April was the divider. Not many know just how bad it was for me. Not many ever will.

There's an before and an after April 2023, that's how significant it was for me. You don't need the details, and you won't get any. Let's just say, everything was grey.

I am getting ahead of the storyline here, excuse me. Let's rewind to October/November 2022 and two significant events. The first one was the novelty of being the object of desire, a quite pleasant experience that started as a nice surprise but quickly became toxic. The second was my ADHD diagnosis, something I had suspected for a few years but the confirmation still came as a surprise to me. I was actually quite excited at first - finally I got an explanation to my weirdness! Over time it shifted to be a burden of sorts, and one more reason I feel like I am in many ways on the outside of life, looking in. It's complicated... Or as Shrek™ would have explained it - I'm like an onion, I have layers.

Following the winter came a turbulent time with a deep dive into depression, heightened anxiety, hit after hit of RSD¹, and so many of my ADHD symptoms coming up to the surface. The most significant changes happened right after April, no real surprise there, in the aftermath of that one destructive event. 

"The Many Faces Of Me" by Annalogue75 © Original via Creative Fabrica Spark™

All that was on a personal level - on a different note I was still dealing with the aftermath of being shunned from the organization I helped build (See part one for more details). It was all these little pop-ups of mean gossip and attempts of online bullying that kept on happening, a never ending display of hate and destructive forces directed at myself and others. It's exhausting to deal with - and annoying, very frustrating too.

This escalated during the summer and in August a scathing article dropped in a major publication. Who was painted as a mean and nasty gal you think...? Yeeees! I wasn't alone being thrown under the bus, I wasn't even the main character, but it lead to a series of events that hurt me on many levels, mostly on the personal one.

During the summer I also lost a dear friend to cancer. I am still processing that loss, it's a profound grief and it has left me feeling emotionally raw and on edge. #loveyou

The year haven't been all bad though, nothing is ever completely bad or good. I dared to try online dating and met some really cool human beings - of the male kind.

A few quickly became friends. But then there is this one special person... I would love to elaborate, but I'm quite sure it wouldn't be appreciated or appropriate at this time. I might get back to it at some point. It was an delete-all-O.L.D.-profiles meeting, that's for sure. 

I also started a journey of self reflection and improvement - partially because of the month of April, but also because of an increasing need for support around ADHD. I started counseling to sort myself out, and inspired by that someone special I started CBT² to deal with old and new psychological needs. Both of these therapies are still going on, but are close to the end. And they have made a big difference. There was a very dark period up until recently and then a shift happened. It's been awhile since I felt this calm and hopeful, my eyes are open and I see things I couldn't before. So yeah, therapy works. 

To round up this year I want to say that I am going into 2024 with new goals, dreams, and perspectives. I've learned hard lessons, seen the ugly and the beautiful, felt fear, grief, and despair, but also hope, joy, and love. I don't do New Years resolutions but I know things are different now and will continue to change for the better - because now I know I can do it, I want to become the best I can be, and I have new energy and motivation to move forward and create a good life for myself and my loved ones. 

To those that have had my back and supported me in my journey - thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you.

#youknowwhoyouare

To all the rest... LOL just watch me.

#ifyouknowyouknow

With love, much humor, and wishes of a Happy New Year to you all! ✨🎉✨

/Annalogue75 

---

¹) Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

²) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 

Rejected, Sensitive, and Dysphoric

"Invisible pain" by Annalogue75 © Original, 2023, via Creative Fabrica Spark™

I believe the first time I got hit with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and the anxiety that accompanies it I thought it was just heartbreak - I was about 20, and a two year long relationship ended. At least I think that was the first time, I can't remember experiencing that specific feeling before that. But it's possible it reared its ugly head earlier in life, absolutely. Actually, it probably did, but perhaps not as strong and overwhelming.

No matter how many times I try to find a good description of RSD and emotional dysregulation I really can't bring it justice. It's a level of distress, pain, and anxiety that I never thought I would experience. Not only because I had never really heard about it before this year (2023) but also because I've never had this level of "negative" emotions in my life. It's like being ripped apart inside, and just trying to describe it now I start to feel it. /Excuse me for a bit.../

"I scream" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

Anxiety is a big part of this emotional Molotov cocktail, and in my life it has been around for as far as I can remember, I just didn't know what it was or what to call it. But it was there, and it is still here with me. The same thing with depression, I don't know any other way of living but with depression and anxiety as annoying but familiar entities, always by my side. I don't know if ADHD created them, or if they would have existed without the neurological swamp ADHD creates - I am kinda leaning towards it being both. So with that fine mix it is no wonder I can have RSD that takes my breath away!

#ifyouknowyouknow and I am so sorry... 

Science and current knowledge says that social rejection - even if it's vague, uncertain, or something just perceived as - causes similar brain activity as if one experience physical pain. This is the reason why we feel heartbreak and grief as something physically painful, it's the same type of brain activity involved. A person with ADHD have weaknesses in the brain structure that processes cognitive input - so it is natural to assume they feel these emotions more intensely and to the point of (severe) physical pain.

I assume that the (dis)ability to have a difference in brain function also plays a role in how strong depressive and anxious emotions can feel. It's on such a level for me some days that most people think I'm being dramatic when I try to describe them. Well, newsflash - It's NOT my fault and it IS physically painful.

Perhaps it is time for the people around me, and around anyone with ADHD and RSD, time for them to act in such a manner that they don't trigger these negative emotional tornadoes? Do you agree?

Now y'all can't say y'all didn't know, right!? You're welcome 🤠

/Annalogue75 

🎄 Merry Christmas 🎄

Dearest reader,

I wish you a very Merry Christmas with a hope of a return of joy and love and light.

You are important.

Be well.

/Annalogue75 

Wearing the shoes given, not fitted #1

"If they fit" - Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™.

If life was a person it would be rolling on the floor laughing about the bizarre twists and turns this year and the last took. The unpacking, repairing, and rebuilding I have done isn't what I would consider funny - but maybe from another perspective it's amusing, and perhaps in time I can see that too.

"You can't make this shit up!"

Truer words have never been spoken... I wish I was joking, but nope, I am not. As the end of 2023 is around the corner I thought a summary of my year could be entertaining... Uhh hum, for you that is, I'm still processing it. I'll throw in some background information, just because it's needed.

"Make it make sense."

That was a mantra I repeated daily in 2022, just as the year before. I've continued repeating it throughout this year, with exception for the month of April. That month was exceptional, and not in a good way. And the world is still just as unpredictable and senseless, nothing really changes.

"See What I See" by Annalogue75 © Original, 2023, via Creative Fabrica Spark™

It was in the second half of 2020 the little snow flake fell that would be the start of a giant avalanche, bringing the mountain down with it. As many others I struggled with my mental health during the lockdown, and as I dealt with that my eyes was also opened for the situation I was in. Thanks to modern medicine I got back my energy, my spark, and a drive that I thought I had lost forever, so I started to prepare for a better life for myself and my children. Then Cuomo Gate started... 

I can't deny that the whole media psychosis that developed in 2021, and the irrationally dysphoric politicians and officials coming out like locust from the woodwork wasn't at least a little bit (a lot) entertaining and somewhat (a lot) inspirational to pick a fight with. Some of us that saw what was really happening, that it was built on lies and egos, we gathered in a group and created a movement and community to fight for the facts, truth, and justice. Yeah, our heads were sooooo big... 

Fast forward to late 2021, early 2022, and the group I co-founded was the biggest and most active supporter group for Governor Andrew M Cuomo. We had only his best interest in mind - that was my conviction and flaming sword. Oh boy, I was so wrong. So wrong!

I mean, the vast majority of the members, and at least a few of us on the board, were really in it because we believed we fought the good fight. We believed we could indeed change the public narrative, present situation, and influence major societal change.

Did I mention how big our heads were...?

"Never, never, never give up!" *

With a few exceptions our organization and the Cuomo Community were, and the Community still is, built and run by honest, intelligent, educated women with big, warm hearts and a burning desire to be the change. But when the idiotic documentary came into play..., oh lordy...! The summer of 2022 turned into a very stressful and confusing time. In hindsight the documentary was mostly wishful thinking, but many of us thought for the longest time it was a legitimate process happening - and we just had to "trust the process."

Yeah, don't do that. Trust your gut.

On a completely different and more personal note - my relationships throughout 2022 were... not good either. A former partner made life difficult just because he had issues with a row of things, me included. And during the late summer I found out who my true friends and allies were. The biggest effect and event was when I was removed and shunned from the organization I had been part of building up. The effects were huge on many levels, and over a year later, in the late autumn of 2023, it was clear I still lived rent free in a number of people's heads. I am sure they know about these blogs by now... 

#IfYouKnowYouKnow 

#BringIt #CantTouchThis

In the late months of 2022 a new experience for me took place - I was persued by a man, a much younger man... It was both confusing and wonderful at the same time, I've never been popular so I admit that I was flattered. But I refused to fully engage in it emotionally, but lost that battle in early 2023... 

What has gone down during 2023 deserve its own blog all together, so keep your eyes open for Part 2...

/Annalogue75 

---

* Winston Churchill 

Don't ask - I won't tell

"Time portal" - Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™.

I'm not talking about inappropriate, rude or intrusive questions. I'm talking about those that have no answer, have no meaning, and/or are unnecessary. Let me explain my line of thought...

💭

I favor open-ended questions about most things, including clarification and follow up questions. Many times "simple" yes-or-no questions are impossible to really answer, there's a complexity in life that really doesn't do well with such simplified responses.

But there are times when it is the open-ended questions that causes the real trouble. One example is the dreaded job interview question -

"Say x positive/negative things about yourself." 😬

How can anyone really answer that?!

"Can I use 'Call A Friend'?" is my knee jerk response - clever but not always, rarely, almost never, the smartest... 😏 I don't think I've ever actually given a straight answer to that or similar questions. 

🤷🏼‍♀️

Another doozy line of questions are those general ones about the past. People want to know about my childhood, or my 20's...?! Uhm..., I don't know. Maybe I was born just yesterday, fully grown and with children? Because I don't remember specific times or events or situations. Unless you give me a prompt first, purposely or inadvertently, I have general amnesia. So just don't, ok. No questions about my 7th birthday or how I liked high school. Because I don't know, it's like it never happened. And for a significant portion of my childhood that is for the best, trust me.

🎓

Finally I would like to push for abolishing any questions about what I want, need, think, or feel before everyone else involved have said their piece.

I know, I know, I got to work on my assertiveness and all that. But I don't really feel as if my wants, needs, thoughts, or feelings are any less important, I'm just flexible and willing to compromise and adjust so everyone is as happy as possible, myself included.

I know, I know, I'm just that weird... I'll get back to the assertiveness and all that in a later blog (I had an epiphany about that! lol).

I am not saying I'm incredibly altruistic, because I do care and push for my own agenda for my own benefit just like everyone else. But I do it behind the scenes and very subtle. I don't see why any of that is a big deal, so I don't make it one.

So if I signal that anyone else but me should have a say before I speak, then please don't push it! It's annoying... It's disrespectful... It's unnecessary waste of time... 

I wonder if others have thought about this?

/Annalogue75 

A Gentle Reminder

"Xmas Chaos" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023/24 via Creative Fabrica Spark™ and InShot™

I felt the quote below so strong I had to write something about it as I shared the original post done by ADDitude on LinkedIn. I will never understand why it is so difficult to understand the differences and difficulties we have due to ADHD. It should be easy, especially for family and friends. But it's really difficult since it's invisible and because of our ADHD masking. It makes us feel even more like outsiders and not as good as the rest of you people. It can't be talked about enough!

This is what I spontaneously wrote as I shared this post and article...

“ADHD doesn't always look like a kid who can't stay still and is bouncing out of their seat. Sometimes it means feeling completely overwhelmed with the world around you and all the things you are supposed to accomplish within it, and feeling like a failure because everyone seems to be able to do things you can't."

Article in ADDitudemag

So often, actually mostly, I feel like this. Both regarding doing things and regarding interpersonal communication and relationships.

"Everyone else" can but I can never.."

Then I look around and find the same "everyone" battling their own wars, failing when doing their best, losing in relationships, not being as put together and efficient as they want you to see. We're basically all the same.

We all do our best, and the generalization is so damaging, especially when we think we need to find our value by comparing ourselves to others. Sometimes we just NEED to have a meltdown, pull up our bloomers, and get right back at it again - never losing the sight of our goal, ready to act and move forward again.

After that the neurotypical "everyone" crowd surely judges us, we think -"meltdowns are weaknesses", "you are not worthy of our attention", "no goals, no grit, just baby tears, you're one big fail" and so we begin the dance again...

Just remember, you're not alone. We're everywhere and we see you, we feel that too, we know. And you can do it. Promise!

Happy Holidays,

Annalogue75 

Once upon a blue moon

"Moon Gazer" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

Anyone else ever thought they came from outer space and had accidentally been left behind on planet Earth, now waiting to be brought "home" again?

No? No one?

Just me? 😬

Well alrighty then...

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly: what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Fox ("The Little Prince")

When I was almost four years old there was a lunar eclipse, and I was allowed to watch it. I still remember what I was thinking about and the painfully sad feeling I had in my stomach.

I can't remember what I did all last week, but I remember my fantasies as a four year old. Go figure... Thanks ADHD.

The lunar eclipse of September 6, 1979. Infographic courtesy of NASA. 

I remember sitting by my little child sized table on my little child sized chair, or perhaps stool. It was placed by my window, and I saw the eclipse from there. My memory says that I was alone, but more likely my mom or dad was right behind me, looking at the moon through the window too.

The feeling in my body at that moment I can't really explain, it was a mix of joy, awe, feeling small, and feeling..., abandoned?!

Yes, I felt very alone, sad, and abandoned, that I remember clearly. I remember looking at the moon - wondering where my real parents were and hoping they could "hear me" and were on their way back to pick me up. I felt so distraught that they forgot me, and that I had to stay "here" (aka my home) when I just really wanted to go (to my real) home because I didn't fit in.

I was not even four years old, and that was on my mind!? I was three years and ten months old, to be more precise.

Imagine, there are people out there thinking I'm a nutcase now. People..., I started being cray cray way before many of you were even BORN! 😆

"Alone" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

Perhaps this is why I really could identify with the boy in "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and later in my teens fell in love with the book "Momo" by Michael Ende. The bigger implications for me personally in feeling so strongly about these two pieces of litterature didn't dawn on me until decades later, meaning until just now. 🫣

I'll have to make that a blog on its own!

What I have understood so far is that these two books are perfect examples of stories that speaks to many different people, but has elements that are of special interest for those of us that are neurodiverse:

- The little Prince is often said to be autistic, and it's an interpretation that makes sense to me.

- Momo and the understimulation and boredom amongst children is right on point with how a neurodiverse person often feels. In my not so humble opinion, of course.

Read them and see if you recognize these interpretations, just for fun.

My interpretation falls back on that I think I knew I was different long before I had the words for it. And I really wish I had known what I know now much sooner. Life would have been so different - and perhaps I could have liked myself with all my flaws.

"But time is life itself, and life resides in the human heart. And the more people saved, the less they had." - Michael Ende ("Momo")

Until next time...

/Annalogue75 

Reviewed, Criticised, and Deleted #2

"Memories" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

This is the last of the first round, so to speak. And as I quickly went through the blogs I felt a little nervous - "What will they think of me?" - and a little excited - "Amazing that this survived for so long, that's so cool!" - but mostly I felt relieved to clean up the blogspace and see that I was remembering correctly (Most days I doubt my brain is keeping accurate score...).

I am not sure if I should add a trigger warning ⚠️ to the following content - but I guess I am now. It's emotional and painful for me to read it, so much to unpack from these blogs, and I know some of you out there will find it difficult reading it too. But rest assured that I am doing much better now (Still being a hot mess though... 😏). To really know I wasn't delusional helps a lot in my own healing. To realize you aren't alone hurting might help in yours, whatever your pain originates from.

You ready? Okay, let's do this...

🔗

The Art Of Non-Conformity » Starting With What You Have 

May 12, 2010

"Read this article!

The Art Of Non-Conformity » Starting With What You Have " *

---

* Note that the link leads to a landing page with many options. The original blog post had a broken link, but any of the excellent articles, blogs, and other things on this page is worth reading. 

📃

Since last time 

May 13, 2010

"So what's happened since last time?

A lot has happened, and not much at all... I'm not going to do a chronological walk through, not right now anyway, but life has surely moved along as it usually does. I wish I could say that everything have gone according to plans, but that's really not the case. The laast three years I have just been floating along on the streams of the river of life rather than steared my own ship, if that parable makes any sense. It's actually a pretty good one, I have felt like an autumn leaf in a fast running stream!!

To be blunt, my life right now is nothing of what I expected, wanted, wished for, or would have chosen if I had known. My son is my everything, I have no regrets having him. But the rest have gone sour, and I am in a mess I can't get out of. Earlier I blogged about the need for health care insurance for immigrants, well the story is bigger and more complex than that. I would recommend not to immigrate to Canada at all unless one have everything waiting here upon arrival - a job and work visa, a place to stay with decent standard, insurance of course, and a solid network. I have nothing of this, and I am a prisoner of my own situation.

Until I have a residentship I can't work, travel, be sick (unless I pay), own or rent a place to stay, have my own bank account, get credit or buy anything that requires income, credit and/or insurance (a car for example). I have no real network, only aquaintances and my boyfriend. And I regret giving up my lifestyle and standard without making sure I had something similar here. So today, and most days, I cry a bit when the night comes, I feel lonely and desperate, and without hope. I hoped and wished my partner would understand what I sacrificed for him and step up and work towards us having all of that together. I lost my hope a while back, no reason, I just ran out. I no longer wish for things that I am not sure I'll get, like sunshine in the summer, that I can wish for still... I just am, I exist, I love my baby boy endlessly, and I am slowly shrinking... One day I'll dissapear completely.

That's what's been going on since last time. Not much, but everything."

📚

Have to stop reading!!

June 2, 2010

"Think I have to stop reading questions and discussions on Circle Of Mom's... I just get upset and want to give everyone looong answers (oh well, some just deserves a short "wtf grow up!!"). Or should I write my comments here maybe...?"

✍️

Just another day...

September 11, 2010

"Where is it written in stone that once a couple have kids and live together all of the responsibilities of the household lands on the mother?

Please, enlighten me... I really need to know - so I can kick that stone to dust!!

Today, as an example, this is what happens...

Baby and I get up, somewhat late, and do what we always do - make tea, turn on a movie (either Footlose or Empire Records), and we slowly come to life. Then there is diaper change, breakfast, another diaper change, getting dressed, and some running around.

We woke up the boyfriend and waited for him to get dressed, and then off to the mall we went. After the mall father and son went home and I ran some quick errands downtown.

Nothing weird or bad so far, a pretty good day. But when I come home I see the son still have his shoes on, and clearly haven't got a new diaper yet. I deal with that. I see the bags from the mall spread out over the kitchen counter, I deal with that. I see stuff from a purse on the kitchen floor, I deal with that and find the purse. I make some coffee, get a migraine, I put out ant traps, gave our son some juice, and felt some panic about making dinner.

What does my partner do? He plays computer games online. Yes. He didn't even say Hi when I came home, didn't get up or greeted me at all. I felt invisible.

I asked, as I always do, if it was ok if I took a 30 minute nap and if he could wake me up. He says ok, and I go for my nap. Almost an hour later I wake up by myself and stumble downstairs, asking him why he didn't wake me up (not that I minded a longer nap, but still...). His answer? He didn't know what time it was when I went for the nap, so he didn't keep track of time. Ok, thanks... And I was wondering if the baby had his dinner while I was sleeping, since it was after 8 pm by now. No, no dinner for baby. Boyfriend wasn't thinking about it since we had a late lunch at the mall. I mumble that children do need 3 meals a day, plus snacks, even if we don't. So I deal with the dinner with a crying, tired, and very hungry baby running around. I keep him company while he's eating dinner, clean up after, and take a long sad look at the mountain of dishes in the kitchen. Then I deal with putting filters in the vents upstairs.

What does the boyfriend do? He plays computer games online. Yes. Still. Then he goes to get ready to go out and leaves. I am alone again with our wide awake son, and it is 9.30 pm. I am hungry, tired, and all the things that need to get done overwhelm me, again. The baby falls asleep, after a long and brave battle against the sleepyness, at 1.30 am. I decide to leave what should get done to tomorrow, I make some pasta, I have a coffee, I glance at Facebook. And I think to myself, why do I do this when it makes me so sad, makes me feel sick, gives me migraines?

Tomorrow will be a variation of this, every day is a variation of this. I deal with it, I wonder why, but I deal with all the stuff that happens every day.

I. deal. with. it.

Not we, I do it.

And I am close to being fed up with it. And when or if I get there, I will get up and leave the scene. I have to, for my health and for my sanity and for my son. I hope I have the guts to follow through, I hope I never have to find that out."

👟👟

October is S.I.D.S. awareness month

October 1, 2010

"As a mother I feel it urgent and necessary and overwhelmingly important to spread the information about S.I.D.S., Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Cannot imagine what it must be like to go through the sorrow and pain losing a child, I don't want to know!! Be aware of the risks, protect the little ones as much as possible. Love them endlessly. Hug and kiss them often!!"

👶🏼

---

Wow... It's like finding a hidden diary you forgot you ever wrote. Pasting these last few blogs here I felt unsure if I really should share this, but I also think it's important to be real and authentic - and show you that you're not alone. Therefore I am sharing these blogs with you all, so you understand where I'm coming from and that...

You're not alone. Know this!

I feel like there's a lot more to unpack, analyze, and hopefully resolve than I can do here and now. I will definitely get back to it and write more about my experiences and life - past, present, and future. Can't say when, but I am working on myself these days so it's likely sometime soon. 

Until then, and next time...

Stay safe!

/Annalogue75 

A new beginning

"Muse" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

I had a feeling this October that it is time to restart this blog. So I started it up again, soft and carefully. I have so much to say, so many thoughts in my head, but no one to share them with in my every day life. That would be the purpose - to speak from the heart and be heard. Perhaps someone can recognize themselves and feel less alone.

Previous restarts of other blogs and newsletters haven't been long lasting, it's not easy to pinpoint why. Maybe it's destiny, maybe it's dopamine...? 😆

Well, we'll see what happens this time...
For this restart and a hope to reach out and be heard the following lyrics can stand as symbol:

Start Again
By Death Cab For Cutie

I don't know if you can hear me
I'm feeling down and can't think clearly
Even though it's complicated
We've got time to start again
I don't know if you can hear me

I'm sorry for the things I've said
But some thoughts just won't leave my head
Even though it's complicated
We've got time to start again
I don't know if you can hear me

Some things I'd change but it's too late
I'd take the past and make it straight
Even though it's complicated
We've got time to start again
I don't know if you can hear me

Even though it's complicated
We've got time to start again
I don't know if you can hear me

---

Next up is #2 of the old blog entries... Ready?!

/Annalogue75 

———

Start Again

By Death Cab For Cutie

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Norman George Blake

Start Again lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Reviewed, Criticised, and Deleted #1

"Brain Dump" by Annalogue75 © Original 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™

Before the restart or rejuvenation of this Blogger blog I read through the posts I made in the past - I don't know what or IF I was thinking... 😂

I really have no defense. But I do have a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at my own silliness. That's too uncommon these days, unfortunately.

Before I remove those old posts completely, they're just collecting dust as drafts anyway, I thought I could document them as a blogpost. Mostly because I'm stickly about preserving information but almost as much because I find it amusing to see how much I have changed in my writing, thoughts, and perspectives.

As there are a number of posts, though not especially lengthy, I am dividing this reposting in two blogs. This is #1, of course.

So here they are, my first blogs on Blogger. Let's start with the oldest first...

⏳

A start

May 9, 2009

"So..., this is the first post.

Nothing fancy, overwhelming or extremely interesting - just a start of this version of my blog.

Knowing that Swedish isn't the most well known language on this planet, I felt the need to do an english version of my blog.

The words may not be exactly the same, maybe not even the topics. But the author, the brain, and the heart behind them both are the same.

This will be grand!!

Awesome!!

So..., this was the first post. Ok. Good... It's done.

I think I'll have a coffee now."

☕

Old age

May 14, 2009

"I am getting old... I know this because I am deadly tired and sleepy and will go to bed in a few - and it's not even 11 pm!!

I could blame it on nursing, on The Baby and his obcenely early morning habits, or on The Other Half for something/anything/whatever... But the truth is - I am getting old...

Gaaaahhh!"

👵🏼

Friday night fun

May 15, 2009

"It's friday night, almost saturday now, and it's a long weekend. I am making a swedish dish with salmon.

I have mixed the salt, sugar, white pepper, and chopped the dill, mixed it, cut the fish, trimmed it, seasoned it, packed it in foile, and put it in the fridge... Chopping the dill was hard work - was supposed to need two packs but the one I bought was huge, and only half I used. Bored me silly to chop it, and then realizing I need more for the sauce! One of the sauces that is, what I need for the other one I don't know. My mum would know. She know about this stuff. I miss my mum, especially now... I have to call her tomorrow, and ask all about sauces to salmon.

Did I say it is friday night? I am getting old and boring - and the only cure is shoe shopping, that is something I know! Have to do that asap, before it's too late..."

🛍️

Tips from the coach 1

June 2, 2009

"As an immigrant in a country other than big brother Sweden you need to consider and fix everything yourself. And yes, it's a lot to think about, and one must keep a cool head in the meantime, otherwise one will easily become hysterical ... 

Just take this with healthcare - damned good system it is in Sweden, really! 

If you are moving to Canada, it is not only to become ill or so just like that, oh no! A visit to a local emergency clinic costs about 650 swedish crowns, excluding tests and follow-up visits. Dental care is a bit cheaper, I repaired a loose filling for about 800 swedish crowns including everything, and it was an emergency visit also. Specialty health care, we should not even talk about it... Extremely costly and enormously complicated! 

I became pregnant almost at the same time that I landed here, so I can tell the most horrific things about how one get treated as an insurance-less immigrant here. But I'll spare you the details for the moment. 

What I want to tell you right now is what to think about before a long term stay or move to this part of the world - Ontario, Canada, to be more precise. 

1.Get a great long-term insurance (at least one year validity) covering everything - and I mean everything! 

Make sure that this insurance covers dental care, hospital care, doctors, specialists, eyeglasses, medication, accidents, diseases of all kinds, medical testing, rehabilitation, pregnancy, disability aids, follow-up visits and everything else that has to do with health. 

Forget Försäkringskassan (Swedish state insurance) - they provide no compensation for anything that happens or is going on here. There is no agreement with this part of Canada ... 

2. Look up family doctors as soon as it is human possible - do not wait until it's needed. You need a family doctor for everything here, and most do not accept new patients or have year-long waiting lists for new patients. In principle, no doctor accept someone who does not have an insurance of any kind, and many do not accept patients without social security number (which takes forever to get ...). 

3. Be sure to have money to pay for everything with. Usually caregivers want to get paid in advance or against an invoice! 

I myself have spent around 35 000 swedish crowns for health care and other care surrounding my pregnancy, and then I had an easy pregnancy! Only now, more than a year after I immigrated, I have a family doctor - and he accepted me just because I am so healthy and most likely will not need any care for the foreseeable future ... Apparently, there are masses of paperwork for the doctors if you need care but do not have insurance, and who doesn't want to avoid that? 

4. Finally, you can count on having to run around a lot if you need something special when it comes to health care. And I mean a bloody running around! Imagine this: 

You should always first go to the family doctor to talk about the problems, and he wants you to take some samples of blood or so. Samples are taken in a lab, usually there is a lab in the nearest emergency care clinic. Then the doctor need to look at the results, which is a new mission there. Is it necessary to get X-rayed or so, he must refer to a place that does that, and then you take a new turn with the results to the doctor... Then he referres to a specialist, who usually want to do all that with the tests all over again, and that means a new trip to the lab. All in all, it may take weeks before you have had your care - and that is if you've fixed everything with the insurance and such things beforehand, and can pay for yourself in each place. Do you now realize what a good system Sweden has? 

Now of course I still had a hell of luck here, I met so many wonderful people who helped me and guided me around in the system early. But I miss the simplicity of Sweden, the Health care clinics are fantastic creations! I will come back to my personal journey through the Canadian health care system, but for now it is enough ... Now I'll turn on some coffee!"

🧬

Carrots

June 3, 2009

[ Pic Removed ]

"This is my son, Nathan. He is four months and one week old.

He's eating carrots.

Carrots are yummy!

They are especially good on the forehead.

Mmm..., carrots!"

🥕

Rear facing or front facing car seat? Important information...

May 12, 2010

"YouTube video about the importance of the use of proper car seats.

Really good and not scary or so, I promise.

Watch it!!

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YouTube Video about extended rear facing for children *

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My son will be rear facing for as long as possible, preferebly to age 4!!

No discussion. End of story."

 *) The YouTube added to this post is NOT the video that originally was posted, that YouTube video no longer exists. The video added has the same message as the original one and is short and on point.

🚗

Number two of this little collection will follow as soon as I possibly can.

Until then... 👋

/Annalogue75 

Housekeeping & Loose Ends

"Still Here" by Annalogue75 © 2023 via Creative Fabrica Spark™ for 11.11.23.

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Earlier this year I did a revamp and restart of the blogs and newsletters I have with Medium and Substack. Given the circumstances it was a big deal and I kept it going with some regularity for months! Anyone that know what circumstances I am referring to would agree, no doubt, and those that don't know just have to trust me on this.

#ifyouknowyouknow

By the way, feel free to check out my other media - there's a Linktree for that... And I assume you will subscribe, like, follow, or do whatever you can to boost me on each site. I mean it, it would matter a lot if you do.

#thankyousomuch

Now to the real topic - housekeeping and loose ends. I thought I could handle an intense creativity schedule and time-sensitive publications if it all was structured and I gave it my full attention. Yeah..., it didn't work out, and I had to slow down and regroup.

So many other people and things need my attention - and I need my own attention too. The latter is a new experience for me, I'm undecided if I like it or not. But it is necessary to do no matter what, and will continue to be needed for some time to come. To accomodate the needs but also nurish my creativity the I've decided to go about the content creation something like this:

— No regular and scheduled publications.

— No pressure to produce content.

— Focus on quality before quantity.

— Develop more and better skills.

— Create for expression, not attention.

— Recreate and refine my own style.

— Find joy and inspiration again.

— Be more assertive and trust my gut.

Yeah, I think that gives you a good picture of the housekeeping I'm doing and have done so far. It's a process - and it's part of the journey. That reminds me, who says that a lot...?

#youknowwhoyouare 😁

Until next time... 👋

/Annalogue75 

This Is MY House Now Bitches!

In my opinion it is always nice to start off with something pretty or eye-catching, this is no exception. Welcome to my Blogger!

'The Eye' was made by Annalogue75 © via Creative Fabrica Spark™, 2023.

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This Blogger is actually a rediscovery, it started in 2009 but I only posted a few shorter notes. We all know shorter notes aren't really my thing, so naturally it didn't work out. Then.

Dearest Blogger,

It wasn't you, it was me... 😆

I archived the little notes, but I am definitely keeping the name! LOVE this name... How could I forg... Oh, yeah. The ADHD...

Let me get back to you on that one. I also like the personal style it had, so I will keep that too, this is now my little therapy blog so to speak. Gordon knows I need it!! 😏

I am not going to do a cheezy "since we last..." blah blah blah. Nah, I will start from right here and right now. I will take this opportunity to use my own words and my own thoughts, emotions, ideas, and whatever else comes to mind - uncensored and outspoken.

Disclaimer time! Don't DM me your opinion about my opinion, your feelings about my emotions, your corrections of my thoughts, your critique about presented facts, giving me lectures to disprove common sense, or your complaints about the content, and never ever, let me emphasize this - NEVER EVER - threaten me or my family and friends. If you do, and this is some genuinely good advice, in the words of The Queen...

'Queen of Hearts Off With Their Heads' by Jesse Draws

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Everyone good with that? Okey. Excellent!

Let's move on with this... Introduction? I don't know what this Blogger is, but if you're still reading I'm doing something right and it's about time to get real.

Vamonos! 

Are you coming...?

/Annalogue75